


Only a fool would deny love

by elletromil



Series: Only a fool [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Asexuality, Fix-It, Getting Together, Harry Lives, M/M, ace!eggsy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 08:24:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3522245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A princess' kiss might have been Eggsy's highlight of that horrific day. Because seriously who can honestly say they’ve never dreamt about kissing a princess (or a prince, because Eggsy is many thing, but picky isn’t one of those)? Until he got back on the plane and finds out Harry's back from the dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So a few days ago I posted a plot bunny over on tumblr where, in short, I write about how I wanted to see a fic about a developping Hartwin romantic relationship but with ace!Eggsy and Hetero!Harry. And yesterday on a feverish coup de tête (I trully was sick yesterday) I decided to give it a go myself.
> 
> As it is my own writing, I don't quite know what to think of it, but I do hope you'll find it to your liking. However, please do keep in mind that I, myself ,I’m not ace, nor do I personally know anyone who is. If I write something that is just off please do tell me. Seriously, it can only help my writing.

Eggsy is half expecting to be rebuffed for his request of a kiss, so to say he is surprised by the Princess’ offer of anal if he manages to save the world is an understatement. Unfortunately, he _does_ have to save the world so when he receives an incredulous look when he replies that no, really, a kiss will be just fine, he doesn’t have the minutes to spare explaning that he just really want to be able to boast about kissing royalty, nothing more. Because seriously who can honestly say they’ve never dreamt about kissing a princess (or a prince, because Eggsy is many thing, but picky isn’t one of those)?

So instead of staying in front of the cell and try to convince her, he goes and saves the world.

He’s even more surprised when Merlin gives him the code to her cell that the Princess’ first words are an offer to shag. He’s seen some persistent people in his years, but she takes the crown. However, to her credit, when he only asks for the kiss again she merely shrugs and presses their lips in a sweet kiss.

She still manages to slip him her number while he’s busy liberating all the other imprisoned VIPs and where she found the paper and pen and how she manages to slip it in his pocket without his notice is anybody’s guess. He’s never going to call, but he now has another thing to boast about regarding royalty.

He’s making his way back to the plane a bit more slowly than when he was being chased down by the guards and he starts telling Merlin about the phone number, but the other man doesn’t even let him finish his sentence.

“Take your arse back to the plane now Eggsy. We don’t have time to muck around, we need to leave _now_.”

The fact his brogue is more pronounced than even in the thickest of the fight makes him double paces with a sense of urgency and he’s back in the plane in no time.

“What’s the rush Merlin? I mean yeah we need to get Roxy’s back, but she’ll understand that—”

“It’s Harry.”

Eggsy freezes, even if Merlin doesn’t stop preparing for takeoff.

“Harry’s dead.”

“No he’s not. A name meant to ping on our radar has just been used in a hospital in Kentucky.”

And really, Eggsy should just be relieved, should just be overjoyed, but he can’t because it’s impossible, he was _there_ , he saw the feed, he saw everything and he can’t start to hope because—

“He’s been shot in the head Merlin, he can’t, I mean, he…”

Merlin tsks impatiently and simply shoves the tablet in his hands, without sparing a look away from the controls.

“Yes he was. Still doesn’t change the fact he’s now in a hospital in Kentucky. Look at the file yourself.”

And it’s all there in the admission file; the head wound not enough to even cast a doubt that this man, this Joshua Bartholomew, is none other than Harry Hart.

Eggsy lets himself slide to the floor and does nothing to stop his hysterical laughter because of course Harry bloody Hart is going to survive getting _shot in the fucking head_ , the old git.

He’s back under control around the time they reach their meet point with Roxy, but when they break down the news to her, she’s the one reaching out and hugging him tight, running calming hands on his back and he doesn’t say anything, just burry his head in her neck and takes shaky breaths because Harry Hart was shot in the head but he is still _alive_.

*

They get in Kentucky and Merlin makes the arrangements to transport Harry back to HQ, because the world might have been gone (a whole lot) to shit in the last hours, but Kingsman takes care of its own and there is no way they are going to let Harry wake up alone in an American hospital. Not that the American doctors hold much hope that he’s going to wake up from his coma, they say it’s a wonder he even gained consciousness long enough to give them a name, but a murderous look from Merlin stops them from sharing more of their unwanted professional opinion.

Soon they are back at HQ, in a familiar room, and Eggsy tries really hard not to think about the doctors' words.

 

It takes less than two days for Harry to prove them wrong.

*

He knows he has briefly been conscious a few times already, because he fuzzily remembers muttering a name, remembers taking in the familiar white ceiling of HQ infirmary some other time, remembers an equally familiar exasperated but relieved brogue berating him, and, most of all, he remembers an unfamiliar warmth in his hand.

It’s only when he’s off the really good drugs and he wakes up properly that he finds out that the warmth is another hand grasping his, that Eggsy’s probably not left his side since he was brought in and Harry doesn’t think he’s felt as much affection for anyone before in his life.

However, affection or not, he's sure his throat is dryer than any desert he’s ever been in, so he squeeze his hand a bit, hoping it’ll be enough to wake up the young man from his slumber.

It is and Harry can only smile in return at the most blinding grin he’s ever witness, even if he now realises that something is not quite right with his sight.

“Harry! You’re finally awake!”

And the boy is a godsend because the first thing he does, even before calling Merlin or the nurse is to fetch Harry a glass of water and water has never taste so good (except for all those other times he woke up in the infirmary).

Merlin comes in with the nurse in tow and, once they’ve made sure he is as good as he could be, they break down the news that the reason he’s not seeing things quite right is that the damage done to his left eye is irreparable. For now there doesn’t seem to be any other lasting complications from his head injury, but they’ll know more once he starts his physical rehabilitation.

Had he been younger, the loss might have hit him harder, but he can honestly say he’s merely grateful to be alive. It helps soften the blow that Eggsy doesn’t look away for one moment, as if he would disappear were he to blink. He finds he much prefers the open affection he now finds in the blue eyes than the admiration previously displayed since he showed off for the boy in the pub.

“You should be okay for now. I’ll let Eggsy explain everything that happened after the church. After that you are to rest or don’t think I’m above drugging you.”

That makes him look sharply at Merlin’s already retreating back. Not for the drugging part because he’s known the man for years, but because the way he said it, it’s as if he wants Harry to debrief Eggsy and shouldn’t that be Arthur job?

Turns out, it really should be Arthur’s job and Merlin is a cunning little prick because of course he would shove the unwanted role onto any unexpected soul, be them in a hospital bed or not.

He can’t find it in himself to stay mad at Merlin though, not when Eggsy is so lively relating the events of the last days and he’s never felt prouder in his entire life.

“And then when I opened her cell she kissed me. Imagine this Harry; I got a kiss from a Princess!”

“A gentleman does not kiss and tell Eggsy.” He tries for disapproving, but it sounds more amused than anything and judging from his smirk, Eggsy can hear the difference.

“But do you know what the best part was?”

Harry’s not sure he really want to hear more about the Princess, but he can’t help but humour the boy, especially after everything he has pull him through. Anyway, Eggsy doesn’t wait for him to ask, he just continues and if he loses his smirks, his eyes are more affectionate than before and his hand finds its way back on top of his.

“Then I got on the plane and I found out you were back from the dead.”

There’s nothing he can say in answer to that, so Harry only turns his hand in the younger man grip so he can interlace their fingers together.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m letting you out, but you’re going to stay on house rest.”

Harry would feel bad to look at Merlin so suspiciously, but the other man is usually much more of a mother hen and Harry has yet to start harping on him about his release date. Not that house rest is much better, but he’ll at least get to be in the comfort of his home. “What’s the catch?”

“No catch.” Merlin only smiles wider when his right eye narrows, the only sign that Harry is having none of his bullshit. “Well, except if you consider Eggsy watching out for you a catch.”

“What? Merlin, you can’t possibly ask the boy to—”

“He didn’t ask, I offered.”

He would think it a coincidence that Eggsy, who hasn’t really been out of his room since he first woke up except today, chooses that exact moment to come back, but Merlin’s smug smirk tells him otherwise. By God, he wishes he were feeling better so he could punch his friend on his annoying face.

“Eggsy…” he starts to say, but he doesn’t know how to continue his sentence.

“Come on Harry, you’ll go crazy in here and Merlin thinks it’ll be easier for you to get used to the way you see now if you're in familiar settings.”

They are both valid points of course, but at the same time he can’t bring himself to give up so easily. “Surely you have more important things to do than looking after me.”

“You know we don’t, not really. Please Harry; let me do this for you.”

 _Let me repay you everything you’ve done for me_ goes unsaid. He’s tempted to tell him there’s nothing to repay, that Harry is just immensely proud of the man he knew Eggsy would turned out to be and he’s glad to be alive to witness it.

But at the same time, he’s been wondering for some time already if they would manage to build a friendship when their mentor/mentee relationship comes to pass. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want one and part of such a relationship is accepting the help that is being offered.

“What about your mother and sister? Don’t you want to spend some time with them?” It’ll be his last defence, because there is no way Harry is going to come between Eggsy and his family, but with the way the boy is smiling that won’t be a problem either.

“They’re in the house right over yours, I’ll see them plenty enough.”

Ah, of course. He always forgets that Kingsman owns most of the houses on his street as he is the only active agent living there permanently.

“All right, I know when I’m beaten.” Eggsy's grin gets impossibly brighter.

“Great. Eggsy, go bring his car up front, we’ll meet you there.”

Eggsy is out in a flash as if he thinks Harry will suddenly change his mind. It’s not likely though, especially when Merlin turns towards him with a stern glare.

“Now don’t think I’m doing this for you. You could use some more monitored bed rest. So you better stay at home and not move more than you absolutely need too, all right?”

“He still hasn’t come down, has he?” It would seem a non sequitur, only it’s precisely what Merlin was talking about.

“Good, you’ve noticed. A good Arthur doesn’t only attribute mission, he needs to know his agents and when they are not well.”

Harry glares at him unimpressed, wanting to convey how much he doesn't think Merlin gets to say anything about the role he's thrust upon him, but he gets the feeling the black patch covering his left eye makes the look lose much of his effect.

“But, to answer your question, no he hasn’t. I thought he would when you woke up, but he’s still running on fumes. I hope being in a safe environment with someone he obviously trust will help him crash. You'll look after him, won't you?”

He doesn’t dignify the question by an answer.

*

Harry wakes up to retching sounds coming from the bathroom.

He makes his way to the room carefully, still getting used to how he can’t accurately judge the distance between himself and his surroundings, even in his own home.

Once he’s reached his destination, he sits down on the cold tiled floor next to Eggsy. His head is still over the toilet, his breathing is still heavy and when he finally registers Harry’s presence, a quick dart of his eyes confirming he’s no longer alone, he lets out a whimper before throwing up again.

Harry stays silent, but he reaches his hand closest to Eggsy and slowly rubs his naked back up and down, up and down, in an endless loop. It takes a while, but Eggsy’s breathing finally settles down, following the rhythm of the palm comforting him.

He let him have a few minutes more before he gets up and helps him do the same.

“Brush your teeth; I’ll make you some tea.”

He’s sitting on the sofa, two steaming cups in front of him when Eggsy finally joins him, hesitating only a few seconds before taking place beside him.

“I assume it’s the first time you’ve really slept?”

Eggsy makes a sound that could mean anything, but Harry lets it slide for this once.

“Nightmares always have a knack to catch you exactly when you’ve managed to relax a bit.”

That earns him a surprised look. “You still get nightmares?”

“Of course I do. The day I stop having them is the day I’ll start to really worry about my sanity.”

Something about the word makes Eggsy tense up. “I’m supposed to go see a shrink Tuesday.”

“Good.” Eggsy looks at him like he’s been betrayed or something, so he puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Eggsy, a Kingsman agent needs to stay on top of his game as much mentally as he does physically. There is nothing in training to really prepare you to what you’ve just lived through. Psych evaluations are necessary to make sure that your experience will not break you even if it will change you in some way or another.”

“You’re going to see a shrink too?”

“I already have a few appointments scheduled yes.” That’s not really any of Eggsy’s business, but if Harry wants to make him understand that there’s nothing wrong with seeing a psychiatrist he doesn’t mind sharing. “It might have been out of my hands, but I was the one who lost control in the church, who killed all these people. Add on top of that nearly dying…” he lets the sentence trail off there.

“Ah shit Harry.” He’s not prepared for the hug Eggsy engulfs him in, but he can’t say he mind it. “We’ve been pissed poor friends, haven’t we, we’ve never ask you how you were feeling about all that.”

He chuckles a bit, before patting Eggsy shoulder good-naturedly. “Merlin did if it’s any consolation. And it really wasn’t something I expected of you, especially with everything that had happened. You had other things on your plate to worry about.”

“Still,” he doesn’t elaborate, but when he leans away from the hug he seems to be a bit upset at his oversight.

“It’s all good Eggsy. There was nothing you could do at the time; my physical recovery was indeed taking precedence over the rest. And I do know when I need professional help.”

“I didn’t,” Eggsy looks embarrassed, both because he obviously hadn’t meant to let that escape and because he did not figure out for himself his own precarious state of mind.

“That’s also okay. Not everyone knows how to recognize the signs. That’s why most agents have someone they talk to who will tell them when talking isn’t quite cutting it anymore.” He doesn’t say that it’s Arthur’s role to mandate psych evaluations for those who doesn’t have such a someone and to make sure that, for those who does, they really gets help before they reach their breaking point.

“You didn’t get nightmares though,” Eggsy says after a while.

“Not tonight, no.”

He got a few of them while he was still in the infirmary, flashes of red, of violence and death. Flashes of what felt like control but could only have been insanity. He remembers waking up tensed and ready to fight, to defend himself, to kill. But he would always wake up to that warmth on his hand, knew instinctively that it was Eggsy’s, and he would have still fight at any sign of danger, but only to protect Eggsy, Eggsy who was fitfully slumbering in an uncomfortable chair just so Harry wouldn’t be alone.

The first time, he had been scared for the boy, scared of what he could do in the moment before true wakefulness, but already after the second time he had been grateful for his presence. Not once he had woken up wanting to hurt the boy. He would have strike at any threat, but that was his training talking. His first instinct concerning Eggsy was still _to protect_ and that was all Harry who had become a Kingsman to make a difference and had been made to do a horrible thing that would always brought bile to the back of his mouth in a church in Kentucky.

He had been far from being okay and even now he still has a long way to go, but he doesn’t doubt he’ll get there.

Eggsy is frowning at him incomprehensively, until his eyes widen in understanding. “But I didn’t hear you.”

“In our line of work, one soon learns how to not make a sound and not toss around when one is sleeping.”

“You should have woken me up.”

“You needed sleep Eggsy.” His tone doesn’t allow any arguments, but Eggsy seems to be getting even more unimpressed by him than Merlin, which is saying a lot.

“Still, if you ever need to talk, you call me okay?”

He could rebuff the young man, but Harry’s the one who wants to build a friendship equal to equal. Eggsy has accepted his help tonight; it’s only right for him to accept his offer of returning the favor at a later date.

“I’ll do that.” They lapsed into a comfortable silence where they finish drinking their tea. He brings the cups back into the kitchen wordlessly and when he’s back into the room with Eggsy he can see that the young man doesn’t want to go back to bed. Neither does Harry, if he is being honest.

“So, I know I’m supposed to rest as much as possible, but Merlin won’t get mad if I’m to watch a movie. Interested?”

Eggsy perks up immediately at that and it’s good to go back to the easy smiles.


	3. Chapter 3

It takes a few more weeks before Harry is deemed well enough to hold the first Kingsman meeting since the happenings of what they are now calling V-day. Even with Eggsy, Roxy and Merlin sitting with them, there are fewer agents around the table then there ever was. Some died poisoned and some had their heads exploded in a firework display. They still drink for all of them.

He officially appoints Roxy as the new Lancelot and Eggsy as the new Galahad. None of the others say anything about Eggsy failing the dog test. Not only has he managed to save the world, but for someone who failed the test that supposedly served as the way to know if an agent would be able to do the right thing even if it means killing someone trusted, killing a _friend_ , they feel he passed it with flying colors when he poisoned the late treacherous Arthur with the poison that had been intended for him.

Missions are handed over, down time is ordered to those who require it despite protestations, they start talking about testing new recruits as soon as possible. It seems to be business as usual, but even the newly appointed Lancelot and Galahad can feel the dark and gloomy atmosphere presiding over the meeting.

They might have started healing individually, but the organisation still has a long way to go before it gets back on tracks.

 

*

Eggsy mutters a curse when his Kingsman issued phone wakes him up in the middle of the night, but still answers with a curt "Galahad". Even if he's supposed to be on down time for the rest of the week after his last mission with Roxy, if there's something he has quickly learned during the last few months it's that the work of a spy never stops. Not that he really minds, but he's still a bit bummed that he won't get to sleep in today as he had been planning.

"Have you ever played poker Eggsy?", still half asleep, it takes him a moment to understand he's been asked a question instead of been given directions for a new mission as he would have expected from a call at two o'clock in the morning.

"'Can't say that I have no, why?"

Were it anyone but Harry on the other end, he wouldn't even have bothered answering and just hung up, but it is and there must be a reason Harry is calling at such an unbelievable hour, when he's on vacation, to ask him if he played poker.

"Do you wish to learn?"

There's a hesitant catch to Harry's voice that stops Eggsy from hanging up, to hell with Harry being his boss. He's come to know the man pretty well over the last months and he just _knows_ that there is something more to the late call than just Harry suddenly feeling like a game of poker. It's at that precise moment that the memory of another late-night conversation comes back to his mind and seriously Eggsy might be a super-spy, but he can also be super-dumb.

_You call me okay?  
I'll do that._

At the time he thought Harry was simply humouring him, after his embarrassing breakdown. But that was before he got to spend so much time with him and really learned to know him. Now he knows that if Harry says something, he’ll do it, except if the lying is required for a mission.

He’s up and quickly dressing as soon as his realisation hits him. Even if he’s exhausted and the warmth of his bed is calling out to him, Harry needs him right now and that takes precedence on everything else. He’s confident enough in their friendship now that he knows he doesn’t need to repay him for everything he’s done for him, but he _wants_ to do this for him. He wants Harry to rely on him as much as Eggsy relies on him. With his new role as Arthur the man needs all the help and assistance he can get and even if Merlin is really great, he too has many responsibilities especially with all the new recruits they are currently training.

"Gimme a few and I’ll be right over, okay?"

"Of course."

They hang up and Eggsy finishes dressing up. He’s nearly through the door, before he goes back on his steps, looking in the kitchen for a plastic bag and shoving a couple of items in it.

When he arrives at Harry’s door, he’s greeted by the sight of his friend cocooned in his red robe and slippers, hair tousled from sleeping. He only gives the brightest grin he can muster at this hour of the morning when he spots Harry’s sheepish smile.

Eggsy follows him inside, but instead of following him into the study, he makes a detour by the kitchen.

“Eggsy?” Harry calls out to him when he notices his absence.

“I’ll be right along, ‘m just making something to drink.” He smiles when he can hear Harry starting to protest in the other room, only to cut himself short. They’ve been arguing lately about how Harry shouldn’t treat Eggsy as a guest, because of all the time he spends in his home. Of course Harry is still a bit reluctant, set in his ways as the perfect host, but he’s letting Eggsy have his way more and more.

When he comes into the study, Harry has already moved what has become Eggsy’s chair in front of the desk and is already seated at the other side. He’s expertly shuffling a deck of card and his showing off is betrayed by the smug twist of his lips.

Eggsy snorts, but it’s more affectionate than anything. Harry rarely has the occasion to show off any kind of skills lately and it’s nice to see he’s already more relaxed than when he opened the door.

He sets the two mugs he brought with him on coasters, not wanting to suffer through another endless lecture on the effect the mugs would have on the wood of the desk were he to put them directly on top of it. He then slides one closer to Harry and a small chuckle escape his ex-mentor once he has a look at what Eggsy brought him.

“I can’t remember the last time I had hot cocoa…”

“Oi! It’s not any cocoa, this is the special Eggsy recipe. Only Daisy gets to have it usually.”

“Then I am much honored you decided to share one with me.” Eggsy cannot help but blush at this, because he was only kidding, it’s only a bit of cinnamon and tiny marshmallow, nothing _fancy_. But Harry looks at him as if he’s brought him ambrosia and there’s so much open affection in his eye, he’s still not quite sure how to deal with it even after all this time.

“Sooooo, poker. How does it work?”

Harry starts explaining and they play a couple of hands, before Eggsy thinks he’s got the gist of it and he doesn’t need Harry to use kiddies’ gloves with him anymore. (He shouldn’t have felt so confident.)

They talk a lot that night.

Nothing related to the reason Harry was up at such an ungodly hour in the morning, but the last time they talked that much was that time they had 24 hours to spend together when Eggsy made it to the final two. It’s been a few months already and he’s just coming to realise how much he’s missed it.

*

The next morning, he can hear Harry moving in the kitchen and a glance at the clock reveals they’ve gone to bed only a couple of hours before. He groans into his pillow, or rather the guest’s room pillow (as if anyone else but Eggsy would be welcomed to spend the night). He wouldn’t have changed anything from last night, but it doesn’t change the fact he’s completely exhausted.

Before he can summon the will to get out of the bed, Harry comes in his room, after knocking and waiting to be invited in of course, looking nothing at all as if he’s stayed up most of the night playing poker. Eggsy hates him so very very much to be able to look so composed and awake, when he himself feels like hiding under the covers and not coming back out until at least a week.

His attitude change at once the moment he notices the plates Harry is carrying and he’s sitting up before the man has even made it two steps into the room.

“I thought this would be a fine morning to indulge in a breakfast in bed.”

He hands him a plate, before sitting on the unoccupied side of the bed, on tops of the covers, and it should be ridiculous, Harry Hart fully dressed, although in his casual clothes instead of one of his suit, lounging in bed, eating bacon and toast, but Eggsy only feels warm.

It’s the best breakfast he’s ever had.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're not dreaming, after a little bit more than 4 months, I'm finally back with the next chapter! I'm really sorry it took so long but I don't, I was stuck at the start of the chapter, the rest was all written, but I would have been offered a million dollars to write the start and I still couldn't have.
> 
> With any luck the next parts won't take as long. There should be two more chapters to this, maybe more, but no more than four.

That year, Eggsy is one of the lucky agents who get to spend Christmas at home. While he isn’t complaining, he would also have preferred that the reason behind it wouldn’t be the ankle he’s sprained on his last mission, because sprains? No fun at all.

Still the pain is worth spending Christmas’ eve and the following morning with his mum and little sister. He’s never been one to get into the spirit of Christmas after his father died, but he can’t deny he can see the merits of having his sister giggling merrily over gifts and food.

There’s also merits to spending the night at Harry’s, alone with the man, getting the nice surprise of receiving a gift after they retired to the study after a nice homemade dinner.

“Harry… You shouldn’t have.” But even as he is saying it, he’s already untying the ribbon.

“When have you ever known me to do so something I didn’t want to?” Which is of course something Eggsy has come to learn about the man in the last year, but he it still gives him a warm little thrill to realise Harry expects him to already know about it.

But the warm thrill fades out into some kind of surprised reverence when he parts the wrapping to reveal the gift.

It is a dark blue robe with matching slippers and Eggsy doesn’t need to touch the fabric to know it’ll be as soft as Harry’s, but he does nonetheless.

“Maybe now you’ll stop stealing mine.”

From the way he says it, there’s no doubts in his mind that Eggsy will be leaving his gift here and won’t be bringing it at his own house. And he’s right of course, because Eggsy would have next to no use to it back home, considering that he very rarely spend the night there anymore when he’s not away on mission. Still, it’s nice to know Harry really doesn’t mind and is even trying to make him feel even more welcome.

Harry looks at him expectantly and he grins while he puts the robe on. He’s delighted when he notices that except for its length that is a bit shorter, it seems to be fitting him exactly the same as Harry’s does. Of course the robes are big enough that their differences in built don’t really matter, but an important part of why he often wears the other man’s robe is that it kind of feel comforting to be wrapped in something of his. And sure it won’t be the same having his own, but he’s willing to bet money Harry knows already that Eggsy will keep on wearing the red one half of the time.

“I got something for you too actually. Just give me a minute.”

He’s back from what he’s come to call his room at Harry’s instead of just the guestroom with a small badly wrapped box and sits down on the sofa next to him as he gives it to the man before he can rethink his decision. Not that he doesn’t want to offer his present, but in lights of the gift he received tonight, what he got Harry seems like a dumb idea.

Not that he didn’t put a lot of thoughts into though, because he did. He might be close friends with his former mentor now, but it did not help him in the least in finding him a gift. What Harry might want for himself, he usually got and anyway Eggsy hadn’t so much want to offer him something he needed as much as he had wanted the gift to _mean_ something.

But it’s too late to have second doubts and only Harry can judge the lameness of his present now.

By now, Harry has meticulously removed all the wrapping paper and fold it neatly and Eggsy is so not surprised to find out he’s the type to do that. When he’s done, he finally opens the dark wooden casing and reveals the deck of cards inside.

“So, we’ve been playing a lot lately and no offense but your current deck is that close to return to dust, it’s probably older than your own granddad or something. And I found that guy who would do pretty much everything custom and well at the very least, you’ll have one for when you’re at the shop or HQ…” He trails off when he notices Harry is barely giving him any attention, already having flip one of the card so that Eggsy can see its back with the Kingsman’s crest on it. The guy at the shop had raised an eyebrow when he had asked for a tailor’s logo paired with what is in the front of the card, but he also clearly had had weirder requests (or at the very least understood the value of discretion), because he hadn’t made any comment.

If Harry’s smile is anything to go by as he goes through the cards, huffing amusedly at some, Eggsy has made a good call with his gift.

“There wasn’t enough cards for all of them,” he continues explaining after a while, as Harry continues to look one card after the other, spending a few seconds on each, as if he doesn’t already know in minute details every different covers of the Sun printed on each of them. “But I tried choosing the good ones.”

Even if in their line of work every missions they come back alive from are good ones, there are still some that they don’t like remembering for any number of reasons. The loss of civilian’s lives, an injury, having to put down someone they thought they knew… However, Eggsy’s sure there won’t be any really bad memories associated with this deck, because he made sure to only select the covers Harry had previously shared the story behind and even then, he had made sure they were only the ones that had come with funny or exciting anecdotes.

Harry’s nearly at the last one when he stops, the pad of a finger gently stroking the glossy paper before he finally glances at Eggsy and the agent doesn’t need to see the image to know Harry has reached _that_ part of the deck, at last. His stress levels rise a bit, because there’s no way the man doesn’t what _they_ are because they’re also on his office walls.

“I know there was probably a couple more you’d have considered good, but since I wasn’t sure and I didn’t want to spoil the surprise by asking, I thought this would be nice too.” He can see the man is about to interrupt him, but he barely gives him the time to whisper his name before he goes on. “And I figured that, well they might be _my_ good ones, but if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have been there to make a difference. So they’re your successes too.”

Before he can blabber nervously some more, Harry sets down his gift and turns to him before wrapping his arms around him in a loose embrace.

“Thank you.” And the thing is, even if neither of them shy away from physical contact, it’s usually Eggsy who initiate it, except for those times they’re out and Harry guides him with a hand on the small of his back. Eggsy has never minded of course, but getting a hug from Harry instead of giving him one is different, the kind of good different that leaves you unsure which is best. “But you do know it’s not why I put yours up on the walls right?” the other man asks as he leans back.

Eggsy nods, but still rolls his eyes because of course he knows, he could never have mistaken the look in Harry’s eyes the first time he had come back from a mission to see him hung that day's cover of the Sun for anything but the obvious pride he had felt for his former protégé’s success.

Harry returns to the card after that and doesn’t say anything else even when he reaches the first joker. The cover for this one can’t really be considered as a good mission even in the loosest of terms, but there was no way Eggsy wouldn’t include V-Day in the deck. It’s only when he reaches the last card, the second joker that Harry raises an eyebrow in interrogation.

“What’s this one?”

“It’s a couple of days after V-Day, when you first wake up.” Because it might not have been a mission, but it felt like a victory nonetheless and that’s a day Eggsy will never forget.

Harry’s eyes widens in surprise, but soon his expression change into something warm and fond that make Eggsy blush a bit.

“Thank you,” is repeated again and this time it’s said with a hand on his shoulder instead of a hug, but somehow it feels way more intimate with how their eyes meets.

*

It’s a while later, closer to the first hours of morning than the middle of the night when Eggsy comes to a realisation that leaves him stunned for a minute.

By now, Eggsy is spread out on his back, the top of his head brushing against Harry’s thigh, the man having elected to stay exactly where he was seated even when the boy had started slipping on the sofa, taking more and more space.

They’ve both lapsed into a comfortable silence, the older man’s fingers gently playing in his short hair lulling him into sleep, and Eggsy suddenly becomes aware that he is in love with Harry Hart.

He can’t say he was expecting it, but the really surprising part is how long it has taken him to have his epiphany. He’s never shied away from his emotions, both the good and the bad, and he feels like he should have known straight away that what he felt for the man ran deeper than mere friendship. Yet, he does not linger on that thought. It’s not like it would have changed anything.

Because Eggsy is not about to reveal his newfound feelings to the man. Not that Harry doesn’t deserve to know there’s a person out there who loves him for everything that he is and everything that he does, but he already does know. He isn’t blind to Eggsy’s affection, even if he doesn’t know its true depth. And he really doesn’t need to know that what was only friendship has now become so much more for Eggsy.

Maybe he would mention it if Harry had showed any interest in him that way, but since it isn’t the case, Eggsy is more than fine with their current situation.

He really doesn’t need any more than what he’s already got.

He would feel guilty for presumably misleading Harry, but Eggsy is not taking advantage of his ignorance. Every affectionate gestures from Harry are freely given and Eggsy is not deluding himself into believing they’re more than what they appear to be. He knows they aren’t and frankly, they’re enough for him.

He wouldn’t feel so content slowly drifting to sleep while Harry’s fingers are still gently playing in his hair if it wasn’t the case.

*

There’s another toothbrush in the bathroom and a blue robe hanging besides his own. Care products from a brand he’s never heard of littered among his. A guest bed that is more often slept into than not. Drawers and a closet previously empty, filled with clothes he wouldn’t be caught wearing even dead. Slippers to stumble on in the corridor, winged shoes by the doors with his regular Oxford. A game console hooked in the telly he wouldn’t know how to turn on. Twice as much dishes to wash, but always done twice as fast now. Low-key humming and bright laughter filling the rooms.

For the first time in his life Harry’s house is not simply a house.

It’s a home.

And with that realisation, comes the knowledge that what he feels for Eggsy has not been friendship for a long time.

*

It’s a week later, while Eggsy is away on a mission, that Harry lets his hands wander down his body and tries to wring an orgasm out of himself with images of the boy filling his head.

He doesn’t feel guilty about it, having lost any shame about masturbating a long while ago. Still, it takes less than five minutes before he stops trying.

There’s no denying that Eggsy is handsome, but there’s also no denying that he doesn’t do anything for Harry. It doesn’t matter how much he loves the young man, love cannot replace attraction and Harry Hart has never been attracted to men.

He wishes it could be otherwise, wishes he could change who he is so that he could give his darling boy everything he deserves, but he cannot.

It is somewhat heartbreaking to know that this amazing and so far unknown sense of intimacy with Eggsy is bound to come to an end. It is clear to him that Eggsy loves him and while he does return his feelings, he cannot lead the boy on. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

It is quite a shame really to give up everything he as ever wished for, that intimacy he’s always yearned for, because of a lack desire.

But it is what it is and Harry has long since learned that life is very rarely fair.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am back wayyyyyyy earlier than I thought with this chapter, all thanks to my internet dying on me over the week-end.
> 
> I think this is going to end up having 8 parts instead of the 6 I previously thought, due to the fact that chapter was supposed to have two 'scenes' but since the first one turned out to be so long I decided to cut it in two. And the last chapter will probably end up having the same fate, two 'scenes' getting their own chapter. Anyway, it's not for now.
> 
> There's not a lot happening in this, except maybe a tiny bit of angst, but well things are going to start moving a bit next chapter...

Harry is still looking at what Merlin has brought him earlier that morning when Eggsy enters his office to hand in his report on his latest mission.

“What’s this then?”

He’s already coming around the desk to get a better look and Harry would reprimand him if he didn’t already knew that Eggsy is a lost cause when it comes to behaving like a gentleman around him when they’re not in public. Anyway, if he’s quite honest with himself, Harry doesn’t really want the boy to change.

“Merlin’s belated Christmas gift: Kingsman’s first foray into bionic eyes,” he answers as he slide the box closer for Eggsy to take a good look.

“Oh.”

That one sound of not-surprise is enough for Harry to know it was a project Eggsy was already aware of.

“You knew then?”

His agent doesn’t insult him by pretending he doesn’t understand what he is talking about and nods as he makes himself comfortable facing Harry by leaning against his desk.

“Yeah… I’ve seen Merlin working on it once. But since it was still in the early stages, he asked me to keep quiet about it.”

Eggsy gives a searching look, as if to evaluate if he’s angry or not, but Harry can’t even feel betrayed by secrecy Merlin felt needed to be observed. They’ve been friends for decades now and they both know by now that had Harry known about the project, he would have been insufferable by his desire of constant updates. As for Eggsy not telling him… Well it would have actually shocked him more if he had revealed anything.

When it becomes clear Harry is not angry in the least, Eggsy’s lips stretch into a teasing smirk. “I’m gonna miss the eyepatch.”

Harry shots him an unimpressed look. “Well, I won’t miss bumping into things.”

The boy snorts, but concedes his point.

He might have had close to a year to adapt to the way he is now seeing, however there are still time, especially when he’s tired, that he miscalculates the distances between himself and the objects in a room. Sometimes even the walls, on two or three separate occasions where he fortunately only had Eggsy or Merlin as a witness to his embarrassment. Not that the two men hadn’t laugh their arses off at his misfortunes, but he much preferred this reaction to what people think is helpfulness when it only ever feels like pity.

“You know you don’t have to take it, right?” Eggsy asks unapologetic after it becomes clear Harry is not about to say anything more even though the agent can feel he’s got something on the tip of his tongue.

“I know, it’s just…” he starts replying, but trails off, unable to put words on his feelings toward the item on his desk.

He thinks he understand now the frustration of those with disabilities continuously being reminded that the rest of the world think of them as being broken. He might have not been quite happy with losing sight in one eye, but he had made his peace with it and while it is true it would be a relief to go back to the way things were before, he also knows that it won’t be the case. Kingsman might be one of the best in terms of technology, the eye is still a prototype and he can’t shake the feeling he is being used as a lab rat. Which of course he is, kind of, and it’s not like it’s the first time he is to try out a prototype for the organisation, but it’s the first time it is about something so personal.

“I think… I think maybe you should talk with Vivien,” Eggsy says softly. From any other Knight, the suggestion that Arthur should speak with a psychiatrist, even his own, would border on insubordination, but from Eggsy, it is only a friendly advice. The kind of friendly advice Harry has never needed before, never ashamed to seek professional help when he feels like he needs it, but maybe he is indeed too close to the problem and the issues too foreign compared with everything else he’s ever dealt with, because it’s only once the suggestion is made that he finds it is probably exactly what he needs.

“I think you’re right,” he admits after a while and the boy shrugs in answer to his grateful smile, as if to tell him to think nothing of it.

They share a little moment of quietness before Eggsy stretches and leans away from the desk.

“D'you have anything else for me or…?” Usually he doesn’t bother asking, because if Arthur hasn’t give him any orders by then it means he’s got some free time ahead of him. But Harry understands the question for what it is, another offer to speak what is on his mind if it’s what he wants. However, no matter how helpful his talks with Eggsy tend to be, this is something that Vivien would be more equipped to deal with than the boy.

“No, barring any emergency, you have the rest of the day to yourself Galahad.”

“Sweet, I’ve been meaning to spend some time with Daisy, try to show her how to skate, y'know?” Harry has yet to find another occasion when Eggsy is more beautiful than when he gets that boyish innocent smile of his every time he speaks of his sister and even if he won’t be there to witness it, Harry find himself smiling back at the idea of the siblings skating together.

“Wanna come with?” His eyes crinkles with joy at the mere idea of Harry joining them and how he wishes he could, but he does have a lot of paperwork to catch up on.

“Unfortunately, some of us still have work to do.”

“Your loss,” is said just before the boy sticks out his tongue on the way out.

“And to think,” he replies loud enough for Eggsy to still hear him, “that I was thinking about ordering Indian tonight before you decided to mock me.”

The young man is back in his office in a matter of seconds.

“Did I say anything? I said nothing. I would never mock our amazing Arthur for making sure Kingsman doesn’t implode or something.”

His only answers is an amused snort and a little wave to dismiss him.

“Come on Harry, don’t be like this, we’ve not ordered Indian for ages.” With the pout he is sporting, he would be sure Eggsy is trying to channel his little sister, but he is perfectly aware of how well-behaved the child is.

“If you leave me be, I might reconsider.”

“I—” whatever he had been about to say, he cuts himself when he notices Harry’s raised eyebrow. “—‘ll just go and see Daisy.”

“At this rate it’ll be her bedtime when you get to London.”

Eggsy narrows his eyes at the comment, knowing perfectly well when he’s being made fun of, no matter how innocent Harry might look, but the prospect of Indian food makes him stay quiet, even if he coughs somethings that suspiciously sounds like “old git” as he turns towards the door again.

“Have a good afternoon with your sister,” Harry cannot help from wishing the boy, good manners winning over his desire to tease him.

“Yeah, see you tonight!”

Eggsy’s happy grin makes him smile for a bit, until he heaves a sigh.

So much for letting the boy down gently. Since he’s made his decision, he’s done absolutely nothing toward that end. To think he had been so intent to do right by him, to speak with him as soon as they would have a moment alone together, but then Eggsy had come back exhausted from his mission, practically falling asleep on Harry in the taxi they had shared on their way home. A better man would also have decided to wait after the boy was appropriately rested. However after more than a month without making any efforts to breach the subject, Harry can no longer pretend he is anywhere near to being a good man.

Because even if he’s sure of Eggsy’s feelings for him, the young man has yet to make any move to take their relationship to what would be the next logical step. Never mentioned the possibility. And he does look as happy as he could be, there’s never even been a hint he is the least bit upset that what they have is not moving forward.

Harry knows it is bound to blow and the more he waits, the more damage will come to their relationship.

But Harry Hart has discovered over the last month that he is a weak man, unwilling to break the status quo they seem to be frozen in before its time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here I am with Chapter 6 :D We're getting closer to the end people!
> 
> I should have chapter 7 up tomorrow and the epilogue by thursday at the latest.
> 
> This chapter was beta'd by the amazing yourefullofsurprises! All remaining mistakes are my own

Eggsy is back from a mission in Canada, more precisely in Montreal, and there’s three things he’s learned.

First, anyone who tells you Canadians are nice and polite is right but also very very wrong and has never gotten on a Canadian’s bad side (he hasn’t either, but he’s witnessed what happens in that case and Canadians are downright vicious).

Second thing, which is kind of linked to the first, he’s learned how to _sacrer_ like any good Québécois, many new threats of bodily harm and pretty disturbing ideas as to what to do with a corpse that he would never have imagined in a thousand years. Canadians are crazy. Lovely, but crazy. (He’s not sure whether to be flattered or afraid that the handler from the Canadian’s branch he’s worked with has expressed the desire to adopt him, considering he’s learned all this from her non-stop commentary over the comm lines.)

Third, but not least, Canada is fucking freezing and even that word seems too weak to truly convey how _bloody cold_ it is. He’s still not entirely sure he won’t lose some toes and other bits.

However, even if he makes it back to London with everything still attached to his person, it doesn’t mean he hasn’t been affected by the temperature. He thinks he does a pretty okay job not to look like his only wish is to pass out on the first comfortable-looking surface that comes his way during debrief, until the very end where Merlin orders him to go home and sleep off whatever bug he’s coming down with. It’s a testament to how pitiful Eggsy must look that when he make half-arsed protests that he still has his report to write, the handler tells him they can make do with Memphre’s (Eggsy still can’t believe how _sick_ it is that the operatives of Kingsman’s Canadian branch are codenamed after the various creatures of their myths and folklore).

Any other time, Eggsy would be more stubborn, but he _is_ feeling like shit, so instead he smiles gratefully at Merlin when the man tells him he’ll let Harry know that he’s been sent home.

For once, Eggsy lets one of Kingsman’s chauffeurs drive him home. Usually, he’s the one behind the wheel, except when he shares a taxi with Harry. The few times he feels too mentally exhausted from a mission to give the road his proper attention, he’s more often than not keyed-up with leftover adrenaline and he always opts to walk it off.

This time though, he’s grateful for the chauffeurs, even before he sees Dagonet’s worried frown when the tailor spots him coming out of the fitting room. Eggsy barely had time to ask him to call for one of the chauffeur before the older man had a phone in his hand, head inclined toward one of the armchair in a silent order for Eggsy to sit.

Another day and he would have complained about being bossed around, but since he actually has no idea how long he had been sitting in the bullet train half-asleep before he noticed it had been back to the shop, sitting down to wait for the taxi doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.

It doesn’t take long for a car to arrive, and even if Dagonet doesn’t step from behind the counter to help Eggsy get to it, he still watches his progress like a hawk.

The ride home doesn’t take long, seems in fact shorter than usual, but Eggsy thinks that’s more than partly due to how he keeps falling into slight slumber every time the car either goes straight or stops for more than five seconds.

Once they’ve made it in front of the house, the chauffeur asks him if he needs help getting in, but Eggsy must say something negative even if he’s not sure what exactly, because the man nods and stays seated where he is.

He carefully wobbles his way inside, hearing the car driving away as he opens the door. He sighs in relief at the feeling of being _home_. Being sick sure sucks, but coming back after a mission will never stops being its own brand of awesome.

As he slowly makes his way to his bedroom upstairs, it doesn’t even cross his mind that he could have gone to his own house across the street, that he could have let his mum fuss over him.

*

Eggsy wakes up, feeling groggy, nose stuffy, eyes and throat sore and a good minute passes before he realises that Harry leaning against the doorframe is what woke him up.

He would ask the older man what he thinks he’s doing, but as soon as he notices he’s got Eggsy’s attention, he relaxes minutely and steps into the bedroom proper.

“How are you feeling?” He sits on the edge of the mattress as he asks, one hand gently tucking loose strands of hair behind his ears, worried frown deepening when fingers brush against too hot skin.

“Sick,” Eggsy tries to say more, but something squeezes in his throat and it takes everything he has not to start coughing.

Harry, like the perfect gentleman that he is, wordlessly offers him the glass of water he keeps on his nightstand.

“You should rest some more and in the meantime I’ll make you something to eat.”

He nods in agreement, not trusting his voice right now, but instead of leaving straight away, Harry lingers, hand against his forehead blessedly cool against his overheated and sweaty skin.

“Eggsy, if you don’t mind, I’ll be taking your weapons away, so that you don’t hurt either of us, okay?”

“Oh, yeah sure, good idea.” He might not yet be out of it, but he knows if he gets lost in any delusion brought on by the fever that is slowly settling, he can do a lot of damage and that’s the last thing he wants.

While Harry looks for all the reachable weapons Eggsy has stashed in the room over the months, Eggsy takes the opportunity to undress to his boxer and undershirt, something he hadn’t bothered with when he first came home. He adds the few knives he always has on him in at any given time to Harry’s growing pile, not missing the way the older man smiles fondly.

“Always your very own little arsenal, aren’t you?”

Eggsy doesn’t bother answering. Anyway, it’s not like Harry can judge: after Kentucky, it’ll be a cold day in Hell when someone catches Harry unarmed.

Instead he lies back down, tucking himself in the blankets, contented sigh escaping him when Harry gently ruffles his hair before leaving the room.

*

_He’s running in Montreal’s empty frozen streets, trying to get far away from Gazelle._

_Something feels wrong about this but he can’t put his finger on what exactly. Maybe it’s that he hasn’t fallen on his arse yet, slipping over an icy sidewalk, maybe it’s that Gazelle doesn’t seemed to be affected in any way by the terrain._

_He chases the thoughts away; now is not the time to be distracted by anything but his escape._

_He gets into a building, unlocked by some lucky twist of fate. Or he thinks it lucky until he realises it’s a church and people are fighting and Eggsy gets no other choice but to hit, kick, stab and shoot anyone coming close to him, because it’s either him or them. And all the while he can hear Valentine laughing, laughing, laughing, and Eggsy’s enraged, wants him to bloody stop, and then he’s in front of him, pointing a gun to Valentine’s head._

_But the man still won’t stop laughing, laughing at him now, waving at something behind him and Eggsy knows, he knows he shouldn’t look behind, it’s another trick, a trap, something, but he does, he looks behind._

_And there is Harry, Harry sprawled on the floor, lifeless, bloodied head nearly unrecognizable. The distant blurry memory of shooting Harry himself, of shooting Harry in the head, of it being a matter of Harry or him, and Eggsy chose himself and no no no no no-_

“NO!”

He shoots up the bed, hand under his pillow to grab the gun he always keeps there, but this time it isn’t and why isn’t his gun here?

He vaguely registers someone else presence just before he’s engulfed in a warm embrace and he tries to shake the hold off, but he’s too weak and _where is his gun_?

“Shhhh, Eggsy it’s only a bad dream.” He tenses up even more at the sound of that impossible voice in his ear.

“Wh- No, no, you’re dead, I killed you, I-, I-” The arms holding him tighten around his back, one hand slipping up to hold his neck so that his face is pressed against the crook of his neck, where he can feel warmth and a slow calm heartbeat.

“Eggsy, I am very much alive, I promise you. It was only a dream… A feverish one, but still a dream.” The hug is nice and grounding, the voice soothing, and if Harry says so then it must be so. He relaxes in the embrace and now that he is no longer in a panicked state, it’s easier to remember what really happened about a year ago, to remember that yes, Harry is very much alive, has always been.

“Oh, okay.”

Harry continues to make calming sounds and starts petting his hair to further calm him, making it very hard for Eggsy to stay awake, not when he feels as if he’s being surrounded by the man he loves.

"I love you, you know?” he whispers just before he loses his battle against sleep, not really a question, because of course Harry knows.

It’s only Harry’s years of training that stops him from freezing at Eggsy’s declaration, that makes him stay still until he’s sure the boy is truly back to sleep and doesn’t look as if he’s going to have any more nightmares.

He carefully lays Eggsy back into the bed, tucking him in, and he cannot resist cupping his cheek for what will probably be the last time.

Harry truly wishes it was otherwise, but he simply cannot delay any longer the conversation he should have had with Eggsy months ago. Not now that it is out in the open like this. Eggsy might have been too feverish to remember once he’s better, but Harry wasn’t and he has always tried to be as honest with Eggsy as he could.

It’s time he does the same for that particular subject too.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the last chapter of Only a fool D:
> 
> There is going to be a very small epilogue after that, that I'll be posting tomorrow, but except for this the story is finish.
> 
> It's a very strange feeling being done with a chapter story, especially one I've started so many months ago. But I am quite pleased with everything, I think I've done a good job conveying what I meant to. What was important to me was portraying the intimacy between two persons in a loving relationship, an intimacy where sex was never the end game, because it doesn't have to be. Sex can be an intimate act yes, but it's not THE INTIMATE act. 
> 
> So yeah this is the chapter where Harry and Eggsy finally talk about their emotions like the grown-ups they pretend to be.
> 
> Bear in mind though, that I am not asexual, nor do I personally know of anyone being asexual (or well, I know a few, but my conversations with them never revolved around that subject), so even if I really hoped I did not fucked up their confrontation on Eggsy's side, I might have fucked it up. I don't mind any positive criticism.
> 
> So yeah that's pretty much all I have to say right now.
> 
> I hope you like it!
> 
> Also, this chapter has been beta'd by the ever so lovely yourefullofsurprises who has my eternal gratitude. Thank you!!!  
> All remaining mistakes are of course my own.

It takes a couple of days before Eggsy starts feeling better. There’s no way he’ll get sent on a mission yet, but he can at least make the trip downstairs for breakfast on his own, without stopping mid-way through the stairs to cough up a lung or two.

Not that he’ll be eating breakfast any time soon, not with the tension that has wedged its way between him and Harry since the night Eggsy dreamt that he killed him.

At first, Eggsy had not really noticed it, mainly because he had spend more time asleep than awake and then because he couldn’t think of a reason why Harry would suddenly feel so distant.

Until he remembered his declaration of love, and okay, he could understand why Harry would act so weird. If Harry didn’t return his feelings, which seemed more and more probable the more time they spent together, the revelation that Eggsy was in love with him sure would make things a bit awkward.

Eggsy knows that whatever he says now, there’s bound to be some kind of strain on their relationship in the foreseeable future, but hopefully he’ll get to keep the important parts of it intact.

They’ve been sitting down for a few minutes already, neither making a move to start eating, and Eggsy is just opening his mouth so that they’ll finally speak about the bright pink elephant of tension in the room with them, when Harry starts talking.

“Eggsy,” there’s an aborted movement, as if he wanted to reach over the table with his hand, but he ends up only clenching his fist, “a few nights ago, you said something… You said that-”

“I love you,” he cuts off, unwilling to let it linger unnecessarily, “yes, I remember… Kinda, I mean I know I said something to that effect but I was still pretty much fever high.”

“Oh, I see.” Harry looks unsure how to continue after this and Eggsy curses at himself when he gets over what he just said. It sounds a bit like excuses, as if it wasn’t what he had meant, when there are few things he means more than loving Harry.

“Not that I didn’t mean it, because I do. Very much so.”

Harry doesn’t seem surprised by the confirmation of Eggsy’s feelings for him, but he still looks wary, not sure of what he is supposed to say next.

Eggsy is very tempted to look down towards his still full plate, because whatever sliver of hope he was still holding on at this point just died a horrible death. The only thing he’s getting now is a gentle rejection, and, while he can live with it, no one will blame him for not enjoying that part.

But he keeps his eyes on Harry because he’s not ashamed of what he feels and won’t be ashamed of the pain that will strike him once Harry gets on with it.

Harry heaves a defeated sigh, but this time, even if his hand hovers over the table for a few seconds, he ends up settling it on top of Eggsy’s comfortingly. Eggsy very much want to shove it away, because right now is so not the time for comforting gestures from the man, but Harry looks so _sad_ that he cannot bring himself to do it. Instead, he turns his hand so that their fingers link together, his heart clenching painfully at Harry’s broken smile.

“I wish I could be what you wanted, I really do…” Harry stops there, his thumb slowly stroking the inside of Eggsy’s wrist and for the longest moment, Eggsy think that this is it, this is all Harry has to say. Until Harry takes a deep breath, as if bracing himself. “But I’m not gay. I wish it could be different, but I can’t give you more than this.”

This is not what Eggsy had been expecting, and the hope that maybe, just maybe he’ll get to keep one of the best relationship he’s ever had, burns bright again.

“And that’s okay Harry,” he tries to reassure him, but Harry just shakes his head.

“You might think so now Eggsy, but for how long? One day, you’ll want more from me than I can give you… You’ll want everything that you deserve. You’ll only end up resenting me and that’s the last thing I want.”

Eggsy very nearly scoffs at the idea that he could ever come to resent Harry. Oh, the man can be very frustrating, and they’ve had arguments before, but nothing that cannot be resolved when the both of them are willing to put in some work.

“That won’t happen. What we have right now is all I’ll ever need.”

“I wish I could share your optimism Eggsy, but I know where this will end,” Harry interrupts, not really listening to what Eggsy is trying to explain.

It would be easier if Eggsy had the actual word to define what he means, but even though there is a name for what he is, one Vivien has told him the few times the subject came up during therapy, he currently can’t remember it. Not that Harry would necessarily know the term even if Eggsy were to tell him.

“Harry, you’re not listening. It’s not that I think I can do without. It’s that I _don’t want_ more than you already give me. ”

“Surely…”

“Harry, if you don’t start listening to me, I’ll bloody punch you! You know what, I’ll call Vivien, she has a fancy term for it, and if you don’t know it, then at least she’ll explain it to you and maybe you’ll fucking believe _her_!” he is not yet yelling, but it’s a near thing. Usually he finds Harry’s stubbornness endearing, but right now it’s only frustrating.

“A fancy…” Harry cuts himself off, eyes growing comically large in his realisation. “Do you mean you’re asexual?”

“Yes!” Of course Harry bloody Hart is going to know the word for it. “Or, well I think that was the word she used. I don’t really care myself, never thought I would have to explain it.”

Now that it’s out in the open and Harry is still looking at him unbelieving, Eggsy is starting to have some doubts about whether or not revealing such a thing was the smart thing to do. Vivien had told him that even though his sexuality, or lack thereof, was valid, not everyone would agree on that fact. And, well, Harry is one of the least prejudice posh blokes out there, but even he has to have his limits. And anyway, he told Eggsy he wasn’t gay, so even if he didn’t mind the intimacy when he could pretend it was only platonic, it’s highly possible he won’t want to keep on with it. It’s not because Harry wishes he could be what Eggsy needs, that he means he loves him the same way Eggsy does.

He makes to remove his hand from Harry’s, but as soon as Harry can feel the fingers slipping away, he tightens his hold and there is a hesitant smile making an appearance on his lips.

“Well, that… That changes things.”

“Yeah?” Eggsy shyly smiles back, not quite believing this is really happening yet.

“Well, not really. By which I mean,” Harry urges on when he sees Eggsy losing his smile, “that we’re pretty much where we each want to be in this relationship. At least I am… And I’ve just realised I’ve never told you that I love you back, have I?”

Harry looks so dismayed by his oversight that Eggsy cannot help the bubbly laughter that rises in his throat. That and he’s probably never been this genuinely _happy_ in his life before.

“Nah, you didn’t.”

“Well I do. Very much. If you’d continue to have me as I am, I would very much like to keep you as you are.” And then he brings up their linked hands so that he can press a small kiss on Eggsy’s knuckles.

He’s speechless for a long while, cheeks probably as red as when he was still struck by fever, before he takes his hand back. “You are such a romantic sap,” he groans, even if his smile betrays he’s merely teasing. “But I like the sound of that.”

After that, breakfast is a quiet affair, even if they cannot seem to stop looking at one another, smiling every time their eyes meet, even when their cheeks start to hurt.

They get up to clean the dishes together as they always do after sharing a meal, but now they’re standing closer than they’ve ever been, their sides pressed together.

It’s all very nice, right up until Eggsy cannot stop himself anymore and, not minding that Harry’s hands are dripping with soapy water, he turns into him, arms wrapping around the man’s waist. The embrace is soon returned and Eggsy sighs in contentment, enjoying the close contact.

“This is okay, right? I mean… Hugging and cuddling, you’re okay with it right?”

“My dear boy,” the endearment whispered right against his ear makes him shiver with how affectionate it is, as if Harry is putting all his love in those three words, “I would be very cross if I had to give up on that now.” Then there are lips against his forehead and it’s great until Harry hastily leans back, looking a bit alarmed. “That was okay, right? I’m sorry I should have asked, I don’t want to presume, I-”

“Yes, that was okay, Harry.” Another time, Eggsy would have made fun of him, but right now, with everything still so new between them, even if it doesn’t feel that way, he finds himself being even more forthcoming than the few times he had discussed it with Vivien. “Those kind of kisses are nice.”

“Just those?”

From anyone else, it would sound a bit judgemental, but Harry is simply establishing boundaries and it gives him the same giddy feeling as when Harry had finally told him he shared the same feelings as him.

“Well, kisses on the lips and snogging… It’s nice… Just not all the time?” Harry nods and starts asking something else, but Eggsy suddenly interrupts him when a thought makes its way to his mind. “But we don’t have to! I mean kiss on the lips. You said you weren’t gay and, well maybe you don’t want to, because, well- And, and…” He stops, not knowing how to continue.

“And I am very much in love with you. Even if I’m not sexually attracted to you. As you are not to me. Kissing isn’t the same as sex. I’m not saying I’ll want to ‘snog’ every time you’ll want to, much as I am sure there will be times you won’t want me to kiss you. But it is a kind of intimacy I very much want with you, when we both feel like it.”

It seems so simple said like this and Eggsy knows they still have a lot to discuss, but he feels like they’ve had enough for the moment. Right now they should just bask in the moment.

A sentiment Harry agrees with when Eggsy tells him, right before he takes a step closer so he can hide his face against the crook of his neck, Harry’s cheek coming to rest on top of his head.

Like this, they feel like puzzle pieces. Pieces from two different puzzles, but somehow still fitting together seamlessly.

He keeps that thought to himself, not wanting to be accused of being a sap in turn.


	8. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. This is truly the end…
> 
> It’s such a strange feeling to finally finish a chaptered story, it truly is. Especially when this is my longest story in english to date, with ~12k. It might not seem like a lot, but for me it’s huge.
> 
> I cannot start telling how great the positive feed-back I got for this story was. Seriously. I started writing it because of one of my own plot bunny and because I wanted a story where Harry and Eggsy got together, but not one where getting together meant they would have sex together. Like I said sex doesn’t equals intimacy.
> 
> Also I don’t think there is enough stories out there representing different realities of life. Often times when I read a story with asexual characters it ends up that their romantic interest ends up being ace too. And I think it’s rubbish. Of course not everyone can be truly happy without sex. But if what you desire, like Harry in the story, is intimacy above the rest, well, you can do without sex.
> 
> Anyway, let’s stop my blabla here. You’d probably prefer to read the epilogue instead (I don’t blame you).
> 
> BUT!!! Before I let you go… I find myself not wanting to let go right of this verse right now. So, if you get any prompt for this verse I’d be really happy to write something more for it. There are some things I won’t write of course, character death because no, smut for evident reasons given the nature of the fic and infidelity. Also fair warning, if you give me angst, I’ll find a way to turn it happy at the end, because this is how I roll.
> 
> So that’s it, I’m not bothering you anymore, enjoy the epilogue :D
> 
> Quick last note, this epilogue has been beta’d by the ever so lovely yourefullofsurprises! I cannot thank you enough, you’re a dear!

When Eggsy makes it into Harry’s bedroom in the middle of the night, right back from a mission, he smiles when he finds the other man hasn’t woken up, even though Eggsy hadn’t been trying to be careful with the sounds he was making as he walked through the house. Maybe it should surprise him that a seasoned spy like Harry doesn’t wake up at the littlest of sounds, but it’s only proof that he’s learned to recognize Eggsy’s steps even in the deepest of sleep.

It’s trust in its simplest form, a bit like the way Eggsy falls asleep on the sofa sometimes only to wake up in his bed in the guest room with no recollection of having been carried there by Harry. Not because Eggsy sleeps like the dead, but because he feels so safe in Harry’s presence that even being moved won’t disturb him.

He really should leave Harry to rest, knows from Merlin that while he had been away on a mission, they had dealt with their own crisis in London. Harry, ever so serious about his role as Arthur, has barely slept in a week.

But he also really wants to get in bed with him and it’s unfortunately not something they’ve discussed yet. At first because Eggsy had still been sick and didn’t want Harry more at risk to catch whatever bug he had caught, and after that because he had been sent to the Republic of Côte d’Ivoire because some crazy bastard thought poisoning the latest cocoa harvest would be a great idea.

But trust or not, Eggsy standing indecisive in the middle of his bedroom must register as not normal, because Harry wakes up. Not that he gives any indication he’s awake, except for a hand that slips carefully under his pillow, but Eggsy spots that straight away nonetheless.

“It’s me, Harry.”

The man doesn’t relax because he hadn’t tensed up in the first place, but a small sigh escapes him before he rolls on his back, drawing back the blankets in a clear invitation.

Eggsy doesn’t hesitate to get in the bed, getting comfortable on his side, smiling in contentment when Harry turns on his side too so that they are back to chest and wraps his arms around him.

“Welcome back,” the words are breathed against the top of his head, lips pressing against his hair in a light kiss. “We’ll debrief tomorrow, if it’s alright with you.”

Eggsy cannot help but snort at that. “Merlin already did. And told me to remind you that you’re not to come back at the shop for at least 48 hours.”

“Oh, right, right.” If Eggsy had any doubt that Harry was exhausted, this would have put them to rest. It’s not that Harry doesn’t take breaks, it’s just that he usually fights them tooth and nails when they’re forced on him.

He snuggles back closer yet, one of his hands finding his way on top of the one Harry has resting against his chest, interlacing their fingers. Sometimes it’s difficult to settle down after a mission, but tonight he doesn’t think it’ll take long for him to fall asleep.

It must still take too long in Harry’s taste, because after kissing the nape of his neck, the words “sleep, Eggsy” are sleepily whined against his ear.

He chuckles softly, daring to bring the hand he’s holding up to his mouth so he can press a gentle kiss of his own on the knuckles.

“Yes, you too.”

He falls asleep to the feeling of Harry’s smile against his skin.

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, if you find any typo or anything of the like, please do point it out. I'm French and don't have a beta, errors are bound to find their way in here.


End file.
